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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First stop, Calle San Juan. I’m hustlin’ to meet a supplier. Traffic? Ugh, don’t even get me started. It’s like everyone decided to take their sweet time today. I’m stuck behind this old lady in a beat-up car. I mean, c’mon, lady! You’re not in a race, but I am! Finally, I zoom past her and make it to the meeting.

For Ravaged Vieques, Solitude, Once an Allure, Is Now a Curse (Published 2017)